Nate Wasn't Here

Remember when my bedroom looked like this? Nate Berkus never came. But countless agonizing weeks later,

2,600 whiny, wishy-washy phone calls to dfS,

a visit from my Aunt Kathy and L,

19 hours of my dad painting, and me "supervising"...

this is what it looks like:

The fresh paint extends into the closet hallway and the bathroom

(in which, each window is dressed with valences that match the drapes).

It really is beautiful.

The complete re-do is still not 100% done...

some more wall decor is in order here and there,

as everything is a bit boxy. But the end is near.

Only 2 walls have the chocolate brown "kaffee" paint.

The rest is "latte". Lovely.

My bedroom is a caffeinated beverage.

No wonder I can't sleep.

Some of my favorite parts of the re-do are the painting above the bed... ...my fake orchid that I never have to worry about killing....

...the hardware and rich tone of my new dresser...

...my recent begrudging allowance, then apprehensive acceptance and finally enthusiastic embracing of fake floral accents in my home...thank you Target....

....the succulent drapes...I tell you, the fabric is so lovely...

when they move it sounds like walking through powdery snow...

...plus, the accents are viney...and I love vines...

WARNING: The next series of photos could cause lock jaw.

I held off for as long as I could...

but I now believe it's time....Yes.

It's time.

For a new shower caddy.

What? You think I waited to long?

You think rust is disgusting? Unsafe? Unsightly?

You think I should donate this caddy to science?

You're ashamed of me.

SIGH. I too am ashamed.

If Nate had been here,

he never would have allowed this.

Quickly now, let us all hasten to the ER and get tetanus shots.

Bexie's Turn

My sweet, sweet boy. Oh how I love my boy! Mamma. Stop taking pictures and just feed me. Please.

I love his big bald head so much that I have to fight the urge to crop this much.

This is the original photo: I knew the looming refrigerator and skin tone would be my biggest obstacles. Well, that and my ignorance. I went overboard again. I think it's a prerequisite for me. Go overboard, then have a friend (thanks AR!) reign you back in. Put the hard light layer down and back away, Elle. Case in point: Whoa, people. My son is fuzzy around the edges and quickly losing all pigment on his big beautiful bald head! I read all P Widdy's tutorials, but the problem is, I don't have her restraint.

I don't know. There's something wrong with the photo. Bex is perfect and beautiful. But the photo is weird. Too warm. DARN IT!! STOP WARMING IT 20 TIMES!! Once is good enough! If one chocolate chip tastes good, a handful must be delicious. If one warming action is good, 20 must be delicious. Uhhhh.....yeah, following that philosophy made my once white refrigerator a weird shade of peach....back to the drawing board.

PS Could someone write Oprah and ask her to send Nate Berkus my way so my bedroom can stop looking like this?

I know you were all running for pen and paper, but I just imagined this scenario: Nate shows up at my doorstep, unannounced, camera crew in tow. Agonizing, awkward silence ensues as poor speechless Nate surveys me standing uncomfortably in the doorway in (what can't possibly pass for) my pajamas, pot belly hanging over, dirty socks and unshaven legs. Kids are wailing (some not even mine, possibly) in the background in various stages of undress, as the dog eats the only breakfast she'll see that day: what got unceremoniously shoved off the high chair trays. Nope, let's not go there. Nobody write Oprah. Thank you for your kindness. To me, and to the world, which doesn't need to see that.

My New Maytag

For the last four years, our dishwasher has been the bane of my existence. It was installed by the builder, which (for those of you who may not know the significance of this) means it's basically a box with a garden hose attached to it. It's only apparent function (other than to create noise as loud as the space shuttle launch) was to take the food from the dishes below and deposit it (in soggy sediment form) on the dishes above. I can't tell you what fun it was to open the dishwasher after a completed cycle and remove glasses with cemented-on food sand. It was gross. It was disgusting. To invoke an old elementary school days saying, it was "grody to the max".

After it started making noises similar to a dying cow, I just knew that was our cue to go buy a new dishwasher! Here is Jay & Bug having a little fun before installing it:

We did our first load. Aside from being whisper-soft, it actually performed it's inherent function! We opened up the door and the dishes were clean! Now I may be getting carried away here, but the dishes appeared to gleam! I actually saw a sparkle flash off one of the glasses like you might see on an actor's teeth in a commercial for toothpaste. I think I even heard the high pitched "ting" chime that accompanies that sparkle....